This blog is one that I have kept hidden in the corners of my heart for over 2 months. It’s near and dear to everything that is happening in my life currently. I hope you enjoy the slight journey in to the depths of my heart…
It’s as if I have blinked and suddenly pictures of my life began to whirl around my head. I’m stuck in the middle of all these things trying to reach out and grab them one by one, while I align them and place them in order. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t understand how through all the junk; the Lord was good enough to bring me to this place. I’m not talking about physically being in Georgia. I mean down to the nitty-gritty… How the heck did I turn out so okay. I see my brothers and sisters in the streets reaching for something, anything to fill this void in their heart. They turn to their sin, to that one thing that in that moment brings them all the joy and the pleasure in the world. Or does it? Just one more hit and the pain disappears. I want to grab them all pull them in tight and tell them it’ll be alright. I wish I could tell them I have been there too. Except I haven’t. I haven’t been there. How did I not end up that same way? How did I not turn to this drug, that guy, some liquid courage or whatever this thing that only temporarily takes away pain is. For years I have never understood. Even as I sit here now I still do not understand how I possibly could have walked the steps that I did and somehow miss the turn that led down the path of self-soothing. Yes, sure, it was definitely God I see His hand on everything. I close my eyes and go back to the times that were some of life’s darkest and I see Him there, in the room with me, holding me, crying and never letting me go. But at what point did I say this, this is my God.
I grew up a Christian, a good ol’ Lutheran. And for years I have walked in shame of this. Why? Because I’ve never had that moment when everything aligns and BAM there’s God in all His glory standing before me. To me my religion was never something where someone came in and interrupted my path. I just kept trucking right along Christian school, Sunday school, midweek, youth group, mission trips, the world race and now full-time ministry. I’ve just kept going and now I’m here in a chick-fil-a in a near panic realizing that the only thing I’ve ever had to stand on is the one thing that’s so BIG no one can ever understand. So beautiful our eyes can’t even picture it. It’s like the air around me, it’s always been there. No one ever had to convince me of it. I’ve never questioned wither or not there will be enough oxygen for me to take just one more breath. I just knew.
If you’re out there struggling with the pain that this world has to offer. If you are the one who’s just reached for that thing to numb the pain. I’m sorry, I wish it could be me not you. I wish I could come grab your hand, oh sweet one, and tell you how much Papa loves you. Oh my gosh the twinkle He has in His eyes just at the mention of your name. He’s there. He’s there in the quiet pain. He’s there, I know it seems hard to believe and maybe you don’t want to believe it that’s fine. He’s okay. But He wants you to be so much more than just okay. I’m not asking you to just walkright out of your pain goodness no! Be hurt, be broken. But also be held.
Remember the God that created this universe didn’t just do it in one day no in fact He did it in 7. And the walls of Jericho they didn’t crumble in a day, although I’m pretty sure God could have given a wink and everything would have just fallen. Trust in the process keep marching. You never know what big thing is going to happen because of you! You have no idea how long it’ll take for those walls of Jericho in your life to come crumbling down. But oh when they do… The victory will be soooooooo sweet!!!!
